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Posts Tagged ‘writing’

When I was a child, I wanted to become a veterinary surgeon. Then I wanted something ‘Crime Scene Investigation’-like. I opted studying artificial intelligence, biology, psychology… It turned out I attended university doing Liberal Arts & Sciences, which practically meant I could follow any course I liked. Since two years I majored in environmental sciences, and with my bachelor’s degree right there in front of me, I am seriously thinking of postponing obtaining my degree and study one more year as a bachelor (the name says it: you’re a free (wo)man), acquiring some Spanish and do some more environmental courses… Though, during all those years (since I was seven!) I couldn’t help writing stories and poems and having these fantasies about being a famous writer. Tough decisions, I don’t like them. If I could make enough money with writing, I would go for it. Still, I am an environmentalist and I am very, very concerend about Earth and global warming and environmental problems. Luckily, I discovered writing during elementary school, high school and college is possible.

So far, I only used my writing skills for an advisory report during my traineeship, but as all writers know, that is far from the ‘real’ writing, the creative process of converting thoughts and images and dialogues into just words. But I could use it to make people aware of environmental concerns, that are not restricted to just the ‘soil, water, air’ and ‘animals and plants’, but also stretch to politics, economy and culture. It is not particularly a childhood dream job, but it is my dream job now: highlighting deficiencies and happiness in life by writing.

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the writing stumbles a little

with thoughts rushing by

and days filled with digits

the mind`s distracted

future creeps closer

but no time to think

killing final decisions

aren’t I what I want to be?

already there or not quite yet?

a flow of music background noise

needed to survive

not knowing what is next

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When the culmination lingers

I write you off

The words carry you away

To a distant place


Where all the love is happening


I can’t stand falling into this

Moving back and forth

Only to capture every detail

Let imagination rule my scene


The scene roughly framed

Where all the love is happening


The attempt to face my darlings

I failed

With every step a word is spilled

Back and forth, back, back, back!


I always feared

Some day you’ll get out of sight

And all the love is happening no more


You little

Perfect

Loving

Darlings

Ran away

My Calviron depleted


Sweet darlings gone


Just some gut-feeling told me

You will stay here forever

And long after me

Without me though


Enchanted words remain

The scene roughly framed

This is where all the love is happening


The attempt to face my darlings

In words I’ll keep on failing

But once with every step I take

I’ll walk between enchanted words

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It has been a year of first times: first time to England (Six weeks of rain is summer vacation in Fort William) and first time on stage. Not all aspects are equally important, but the past year has been awesome and terrible at the same time. To understand, my 2009 posts tell the whole story. However, this post is the last post of this year. 2010 is coming, some teenage assholes are lighting fireworks outside and I realise I haven´t much to think about. I could only thank my friends and family for still being my friends and family and prepare myself for the 3th term. I´m halfway my bachelor Liberal Arts & Sciences, Music Art School will end in two months and I haven’t decided yet what to do next. I do know I will stick to writing and composing music, and, coincidentally, I came up with the idea to take a gap year after my bachelor and visit Costa Rica, in order to learn Spanish and see a bit more of the world than just chilly Holland. And all of you that have been reading my blog and giving nice comments; I won’t ever stop posting 🙂

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I am likely to start a career in the wonderful art of [music] and/or [writing], but still completely interested in [environmental] and [social] sciences. Therefore, on my blog you’ll find a relevant reflection of what I [think about], what I’ve [seen], what I’ve [done], what I [shouldn’t do] (anymore) and what I’ve

[written] – [composed] – [drawn]

[designed] – [produced] – [converted]

[constructed] – [destroyed]

and

[made up]

.

Most posts will be written in the universal language of [English], some will appear in my mother-language [Nederlands].

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Twentythousand times I read

the same words again, again

attempting to make them real

perfect darlings, living ghosts

Hours I spent sitting while

my mind connected everything

to create a storyline

truthfully, but fake as well

It shouldn’t be derived from

the things that people recognize

all the events, fiction or not

partly symbol, major truth

Twentythousand times I tried

to relive all the sufferings

the happiness, uncertainty

their feelings and my words

Hours I spent sitting and

dived, coverd myself with them

developing empathy

I created, used to live

It won’t be derived from

my words, I just hope you feel

a little bit of my intention

the way my darlings feel

Poem by Christina Bay

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You have those people, you have those days, you have those weeks… The past week was such a week. Sucks a week.

It started on Sunday with a concert given by me (on the piano) and a friend who plays the violin. The night before the concert I hardly slept because I felt so nervous, but on the moment supreme all my nervosa was gone. It went very well and our extremely small audience looked satisfied, but in the end the nice woman who organized our concert didn’t pay us our money. I promised myself to send the lady an email and ask her whether she’d forgotten to pay me and my friend.

Next day I had my 25th drivers lesson. I think I can drive well enough to finally begin my in-between test, but my instructor still doesn’t mention the subject. And I once came up with the idea to get my driver’s license before the X-mas days… However, that afternoon I had to do the first test of biodiversity. O, I cursed myself for not learning those stupid bacteria’s! The temperature of my mood dropped below zero, but I managed to finish the test with a reasonable answer to every question. When I came home, I found an email of the nice lady in my inbox. She had just forgotten to give the money and whether I was able to come and pick it up. I was. So I arranged an appointment for next Wednesday.

Tuesday was quite a normal day. In the morning I started with the first classes about the animal kingdom and in the afternoon I had to draw Paramecia and some other protists. At 19.30 my brother, who plays the accordion, gave a X-mas concert together with the ensemble and a few other instrumental ensembles. I enjoyed the music, but my parents thought it would be wise to go home, because my brother had to get up early the next morning. So we went home and I missed the Saxoholics.


On Wednesday I first went to pick up the money. Then I raced to the church to play piano. The time between playing the piano and going to my work I spent with doing unnecessary shit on the computer, just because I could not force myself to read another chapter of the Climate Change book. In the end, I produced around 20 measures of a new composition, but I felt really guilty for not doing my homework. At 14.30 I prepared for going to my work. Despite of all the social contacts, the new knowledge and the rush of being a student, my work still formed the part of my life I most enjoyed. Can’t tell why. I just like being around for those pupils, testing and teaching them. Halfway the afternoon I felt a headache coming up. Even though a few funny things happened, I was happy to go home after this sever day. In the evening I took my piano lessons and with even more drums beating behind my eyes I read the instructions for the practical lesson of next morning…


Thursday morning I knew it for sure: I was having my period. I could cry, or even die, or just disappear, because, oh the pain in my stomach and other places I’d rather not mention here… I was counting the minutes that separated me from going away. In the morning I had to draw jellyfishes and name all their attributes, but I was going through a hell, sitting on an uncomfortable chair and feeling pretty unwell. I told one of my classmates I wouldn’t be there with the hearing class that afternoon. At 12.30 I went to the station. But I didn’t go home. My diary told me I had an appointment with my old Dutch teacher. She lives in the same town the university is located, but all I could think about was my warm, soft bed. Eventually, she received me very warmly and we drank tea, chatted about school, babies and poetry and I felt better. The main reason I visited her, was because she was going to help me publishing my book. Her husband had very good connections in the publishing business and she herself was at the moment working as an education-material-enhancer, or how I’m supposed to call such a job… It meant she worked for a publisher. When I left, we agreed she would take me to some sort of market where all publishers in Holland were going to present themselves. She got me a free ticket for the event and promised me she would ‘sell me’ as good as she could. God, love that woman! But, I wouldn’t mention this nice occurrence in my life, if there wasn’t something going wrong. Well, I missed the train. Took the bus to the central station. And missed my train again. So, when I was nearly home, my dad called me on my cell why it was taking so long. The headache was coming up again and after dinner I had 10 minutes spare time before I had to babysit. You have to imagine me, tired, tired, tired, but I still had to live for one half an hour. The parents of the child were only gone for 15 minutes, and when they returned I was reading a magazine and didn’t prepare to leave. After another 15 minutes I realised I had nothing to do there anymore, apologized and went home.


The next day, Friday December 12th, was a less normal day then Tuesday, but not so horrible as Thursday. All day long was about Climate Change, but as you may have noticed, I didn’t read the lecture for today. Hmm. After the hearing class I and a few of my classmates had to answer four questions about cloudiness and the relationship with temperature and radiation. Not a very difficult question, but my ‘friends’ seemed to enjoy the discussion more than answer the question for the presentation we had to do in the late afternoon. I can’t complain; they were working very hard, but I had the feeling I could do it way faster myself. As a result, we weren’t able to answer the question for 100%, so our teacher interrupted during the presentation (I wasn’t doing the presentation, but I felt really sorry for the girl who was) and added a few things, saying we missed the most important feature… At 17.08 I took my bus, after waiting for 10 minutes in the freezing cold wind, ate my dinner (which existed of bread and water) in the bus and arrived home at 18.15. In the evening I and my brother had our in-between test of swimming and we were kind of obliged to come. Despite my period, headache and softly disturbing tummy ache (dunno whether this is a English word, hehe) I went swimming. And for a change, it was a good idea. After one hour of swimming I felt relieved and relaxed. Nice start of my weekend, though.

Okay, this week contains just one more day. Saturday. The day I got my mark of the test of biodiversity. I felt like crying. With big, hot tears. O, I was so disappointed. Actually, I was angry with myself. For not learning the stupid bacteria’s. And angry with the people who made the exam, because I made the diagnostic test very well and thought I could make the final test easily. In the evening I did some rapid calculations. O, shit. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t certain whether I was going to pass on a subject. I didn’t know for sure, I couldn’t tell by now, whether I would pass this course. I’ve never had any doubts about passing. I always passed. I always got good marks. I never fail.

So this week, there were some strange happenings in my life. But it doesn’t feel as the end of the world. Or the end of my blessed career. I will try to save my weak position. It means I have to pass the next exam with a 7,5 at least. And maybe that isn’t enough, ’cause the ‘big poster assignment’ is coming up after X-mas vacation. I knew it. There had to be one positive thing among all those negative ones.

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