It dit not happen suddenly. I could see it coming for months. I longed for it so badly; I could feel my heart become weak just by thinking of going there, just by thinking of being free of obligations. And now the time is nearly there, but in stead of happiness there is more of emptiness. An odd, aching emptiness that slowly fills with understanding. The process of learning should never stop for me, though I very much enjoy doing nothing and just thinking how I could make the world a little bit better.
It will be hard work to aim for a little bit of change in the right direction and it will even be harder work to accomplish any change. Any change at all. If I need to take a breath at the end of a year of learning and understanding, I wonder how much breath the low-skilled and low-educated labourers need to take at the end of a year of working their asses off. Where is this change going to take place? Who will suffer and who will profit? I don’t know the correct answer, but I have bad expectations.
This so-called change we need to save our planet. To save our environment, our fossil fuels, our climate, the ecosystem(s), the plants, the animals, the micro-organisms, the unique relations between the air, the soil, the water and life. It is all ours, but not ours only. We share our planet with the plants, the animals, the micro-organisms, and all those species still live next to us, besides us, on us. Even in us. And we need them to survive: we need them for food, for medication, for our metabolism; and they need us. And everything needs everything to sustain the bonds of life. Why don’t people recognize it is a netwerk, and once we humans remove the massive pillars, the system will collapse?
This change, it is not going to happen. It will come too late, too inefficiently, or not at all. Leaving nothing more than to enjoy the days that are left. Right?