Lately, the world seems to turn upside down. People I thought of very reasonable, are becoming selfisch, rude and way different than when I first met them. And other people, I never hung out with, I’m becoming friends with.
I would like to say I do not hate any person in my environment, and I don´t want to. But sometimes you just hate certain people. Not because they called you names, not because they beat the shit out of you, not because they dumped you, cheated on you, have sex more often than you do, not because they have already met their soul mate, they seem happy or because they always tell stories of their splendid life and all you can do is listen in awe… No, you hate them because they make you face your weakness. They don´t make you hate them on purpose (at least, not on purpose); instead, they act like rebels, do everything opposite from what you say and are least likely to do listen to anything you say to them. Their voices are so loud, their persistence is unbreakable. Or they interfere with your life, they think they know what´s best for you, they´re pressing on your limits (sometimes unaware) and eventually show you that you can’t say no. You could tear them in 1000 pieces and don’t feel any regrets. It’s just to make them stop.
These are hard times, socially. Hormones rushing through veins, smiles melting frozen hearts, eyes meeting as if they´ve met before. And in order to hold on to this vibe, we need to dive. Dive into the unknown country.
But what is unknown country? A place we all don’t know quite well, and won’t understand either: the heart. L.A. Rebhun described in her wonderful etnographic study of North-East Brazil the contrast between how people think about love and how people act in the name of love. It is a story of cultural values, public and personal honour, the role of men and women, and money.
Here in the West it is not different at all. We touch each other’s souls, we let them go, we talk about our deepest feelings but never show the way we feel. We pretend to know, but feel insecure; we lie to convince, but within a relationship a lie is the last thing you need. And why can’t be we honest and truthfully for ever? Why do we feel the need to pimp our reputation? Because of the unknown country we reign. It’s like a promised land: we do not know what to expect, but, however, expectations we have.
Today I learned how to dive. I think. And you know what: the moment you lose sight of your feet tight to the ground, and the world flashed around you like a sped-up movie, the hate is gone. You don’t feel weak anymore. At least, I didn’t. I felt pretty strong, and happy too. But that probably due to another reason, because I also learned how to find the way back to the place where all romances start: my own heart 🙂