Irrational fears. Fooling yourself. Using magic to comfort the hurricane rushing through your veins. Constantly trying to reach a state of solemness, in which the real world is far away, a nightmare, and the present is silent: so calm and peaceful you are willing to forget everything you know, all the responsibilities you bear, all the weary days that lay ahead. It scares you, just the thought of it: it scares the hell out of you and you’re still wondering why. You think you could dissappear, if you just tried hard enough to erase yourself.
Sometimes I wish I were invisible, and had my own set of bodyguards to keep away all those irrational fears haunting me. Hunting me. No magic could save me, no gentle words, no excuses, no shams: it is just me facing the world. And stubborn as I am, I want to find my own way and do it my own way, otherwise I feel offended, held back, disregarded… All those critics everyday is way different than the feedback I am used to receive, and want to receive, therefore improving myself. It ain’t no deal. No compromis. Nothing.
Just one day everything will be solved. I am on the highest summit, looking down on everything that went wrong, I did wrong, I wanted to excuse for but I shouldn’t do. I know I forget easily. The happy things. Those bad things stay forever, and as I am growing older, it seems I lived on mistakes. I have to get used to it, I know. No one is perfect. But afterwards, standing on top of the mountain, there is always so much I want to say and want to do, but it will do no good. Stuck. I can’t do it again. I don’t want to do it again: I will just have to live with the fact I made it somehow.
The illusionist in fairyland. Sounds like a great job to me. Wiping away sadness, chasing away depression, enjoying the sun on my face and roaming all day long in an ever-beautiful world. Welcome to my world. Let me feel you the enchanting breeze, let me make you smile, let me make you forget all your misery… Childish. Naive. Irrational. It is a temporary cure, and the farther you go into that serene world of yours, the harder it becomes to return to the real world.
Living with or living without the opportunity to escape the society for a while, you can’t stay there forever anyway. So then, will it make a difference, any difference at all?